Ceci n’est pas une Truck

Dear college-age males driving big shiny pick-up trucks with the all the pretty chrome,

This is not a truck.

Fake Truck

This is a truck:

Hay loaded. Truck is still frosty.

This is a truck:


My brother is a paramedic in a tiny town. This sometimes requires him to get to people in places an ambulance or firetruck can’t get to. He has filthy, beat-up body, GMC with some sort of specialized differential and torque, great but not extremely jacked-up suspension (and working winch that is actually heavy duty enough to pull himself out if he has to, let alone smaller cars etc., top mounted spare, radio, siren and lights, etc.) in which he took us up what laughably would be called a “hiking trail” (since parts of it were washed out and/or required some minor bouldering). It would make your shiny pretties “4×4″s piss transmission fluid and cup their tires over their oil pan just looking at it.

In short, he uses it for what it was designed for.

Most of you kids do nothing with your great big shiny pretties but drive back and forth to college or clubs and parties, where it spends vast majority of its time in the parking lots, blocking the view of people in sensible cars trying to pull out of their parking spaces and not get plowed into by other drivers just trying to find somewhere to park. Said drivers also don’t appreciate not being able to see someone pulling out from behind your non-truck until someone backs out right in front of them, or into them. You don’t own a truck, you own an ego-buttress and pain in the ass. If you are not in college and have one of these huge shiny trucks or SUV’s that you only use to drive around town and “haul” groceries and flats of petunias, you’re still pain the ass for no other reason than fashion and ego.

If you do not need to haul hay bales and/or equipment around the countryside or move construction materials around town, get a car you twerps.




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