Karmic Retributiuon

           So my karmic adventure for the week.  Karma because Monday evening I forgot to take my sleeping medication because I was reading this awesome three book fictionalized history series about Alexander the Great ($3.99 sale at Bookbub). So at 3:30 am I know I’m not getting any sleep, so I go into work, clear off my deck and e-mail in sick.
          So yesterday, after a couple hours of sleep, I did all kinds of housework; kitchen, bathroom, floors, etc. Not merely because it was desperately needed, but because I needed to stay up and moving to get back on a regular sleep schedule. Toward the end of it all at about 6:30 pm, I wash all the rugs and put them out to hang dry on the balcony.
          Immediately after which I discover I have locked myself out on the balcony.
          Each of my doors have two very old locks, probably original from when this place was built. One of the locks is in the door knob and sometimes they can flip themselves. I have known about this since the first week I was here and locked myself out. So I have always been very careful about carrying my keys all the time.
          Except this time.
          I knocked my my neighbor’s door (we share the same balcony, though there is a five foot separating wall between her half and mine). But she didn’t answer and I figured she wasn’t home.
          Fuck.
          So I’m on a second story balcony, alternately screaming for help, trying to either flip the latch with a plastic plant label or trying to force the door by slamming my shoulder into it (ha), screaming for help, considering how to climb down, and screaming for help for at least 15 minutes.
          Finally, her downstairs neighbor comes around wondering what the hell is going on. Fortunately, she is very nice and offers to call the property management company.
          The problem with the dogs loose inside, I don’t just need a locksmith, I need to climb down and be at the front door when a locksmith jimmies it because I don’t know what Pilot is going to do with a complete stranger essentially breaking into my house. Taeda (the pit) would just run and hide, but I couldn’t predict what Pilot would do.
         So the downstairs neighbor calls the property management company, who makes her call a locksmith because it’s after hours. The locksmith is not a problem (though it’s $60 I really can’t afford), it’s me being at the front door when he opens it that’s the problem. So the downstairs neighbor called the property management company back to just send one of their on-call guys out with a ladder so I can get down, but their messaging service is just hearing “locked out” and sending her to the locksmith.
          Finally, my upstairs neighbor (with whom I share the balcony) cracks her door open and, Thank the Gods, lets me come through her apartment and hang out while I wait for the locksmith.
          To do so, I have to clamber my fat butt over the wall. Grace not included.
          Though with all my screaming she also called the cops before she opened the door (which I can understand), so I had to go out and explain and apologize to them. (They were very nice about it.)
         Of course, all this is after I have not showered for a couple days (I had Monday off) and have spent all day cleaning, so I’m politely trying to be both grateful and keep everyone five feet away because I stink.
          So the locksmith comes out, after struggling (because the locks are so old) gets the front door open while I reassure Pilot that I’m here. Pilot comes out and is perfectly happy to meet a stranger locksmith person (she is always very happy to meet people while we’re walking outside or when she is with me, I just could not predict what she would have done had I not been there) who thinks she’s beautiful and cute and “Oh we would have gotten along just fine!”
         Moreover, in utter adorableness, Taeda has come to the front door and keeps peeking around it to see what is going on.
          So that was my price for placing fun reading over work: $60 and a heap ton of embarrassment.
         And this morning when I tried to lock the door from the outside, I discovered the locksmith had broken the lock and when I called the company, they said, in essence, “tough shit.”
        But the books were great.
        And I need to figure out something nice to thank my neighbors for their trouble.
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